if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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