My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Randomize
