life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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