I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
