Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
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He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
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On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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