It's Friday. Sex?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
