I want you more than these girls want KFC
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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