So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
