Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
