I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
