So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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