you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
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he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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