I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
