I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
