Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I need mimosas to revive my soul
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
