dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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