____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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