She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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