I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
