just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize