I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize