dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
