I need to stop coming to work sober
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
