his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
