i already hear my dad disowning me
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
