he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
