college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize