last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
