I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
