There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
