Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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