How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
is this the sara with the beer cane?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
