i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
