dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
