He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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