I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
