hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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