Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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