i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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