i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
