I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
