**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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