Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
