Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize