4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
