I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
