At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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