I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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