I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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