When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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