after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
