the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Randomize
