Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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