You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
This house was built for laser tag.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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