I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
